Casual Sex, Dalai Lama Style

Men of the world, I have an announcement for you : women like to have casual sex.

It has been known for some of us to even enjoy the brevity of knowledge of our sexual partners. Others of us are quite happy to have fuck buddies on whom we can call. Not every woman in the world wants to have a serious relationship. Seriously lads, have you seen the state of yourself lately? Even were it that case that we did (and ladies, fair play to all of you who do and can maintain a relationship) why on earth would we want one with you?

Have you not noticed that there's an awful smell when you enter the room and it isn't us?

Contrary to the idea put forward by ludicrous television shows featuring anorexics in terrible dresses (hello Sex and The City!), or by self proclaimed sex bloggers (bravely publishing under their real name - oh), it is perfectly possible for women to have complication free sex.

I would even go so far as to say that, as a sex, we are better at doing that than the fellas are, as at least we can separate love and sex.

Something that we're not great at is understanding the lies we get told. The excuses. The bullshit. The inanities. It really is terribly tiresome, boring, and frankly it is just so ludicrously immature.

Is it possible we could strike a deal?

Let's make a verbal arrangement before sex starts. We will agree as to whether we see there being any future in terms of relationship, and we will both make it perfectly clear whether or not we even want a relationship (though even this doesn't even permeate - I remember telling one bonehead that I didn't want a relationship with him on so many occasions, yet he still thought things were 'getting serious' despite my repeated verbal dis-interest in anything other than a few shags with him).

Men, you will not offend us by offering us the honorary title of "friend with benefits" (cringe worthy and hints extremely heavily at your commitment inability), and we will not proffer "fuck buddy" in your direction. These expressions belong in the past, along with the idea that sexually active men are studs and sexually active women are slags.

Women will not lie about what they want out of embarrassment - we will not pretend that we want a relationship when we don't, neither will we pretend that we are merely chasing a casual sex aspect if that is not the case.

Men - please ensure that you also adhere by these rules. It is somehow crueler when a man pretends to want a relationship when he doesn't, as some women do attach ideas to a relationship that their male counterparts do not.

Both parties must not pretend to be dirtier than they are, and both parties, on agreeing that causal sex is what is on offer, are not allowed to deviate from that arrangement unless said sex carries on for such a protracted period of time that it becomes apparent that feelings are developing. There must be an agreement that what everyone enjoys will be discussed so as to ensure a good time is indeed had by all.

I guess what I am saying, in a horribly drawn out manner, is this - if I tell you that I want to have sex and nothing more with you, that'll be what you're getting. I'm not going to lie about what I do and don't want, as I am an adult. I can have sex with whomever I so choose, so long as they are consenting (or I have enough rohypnol and a stick to tie their penis when they pass out).

Do not assume that I think you are so wonderful that I am desperate to have a relationship with you. You're not, and I'm not either.

I can't speak for my entire gender and I wouldn't want to but, from my perspective, honesty is what is needed in every encounter that we have. Whether that be our friends, our family, or a person we want to have sex with. What is not acceptable is to lie about our intentions, whether that be by omission or on purpose, and then act as if we are the innocent party when our action or inaction is revealed.

Let's all remember the three R's, as per the Dalai Lama, here : Respect for self, respect for others, and responsibility for all your actions.

Take care out there.

We love you, C.