This Charming Man

The Ex had a date last night. It transpires it was a bit of a hot date, judging by the ominous sex noises that floated down from his room and filled the entire house with sheer abject horror.

It's great that he's dating - and I genuinely mean that - but I think he could bring her somewhere else for the bukakke action, surely?

On it went, as I attempted to shove things in my ears to block out the noises he was making. I could even tell when he was about to ejaculate, recognising the sounds myself.

Naturally I listened out for her dissatisfied sobs, but they weren't forthcoming. Then came the snoring. Sadly not mine...