Hatred

Please don't think you are helping me by conducting yourself like this. You're not.

I am well aware that my devotion is unwanted and unwarranted. Brain knows well that it is not a viability, and that I am being used and mistreated due to my own foolishness.  It is a stupidity of heart that I cannot remove, regardless of how hard I try to, regardless of the logic that I have applied to explaining to myself why it exists at all.  Regardless of how hard I quash it, it re-appears as a synonym for my depressive episodes.  It is intertwined with it, just like the vomiting and compulsive cleaning, but I daren't say that that is the case as I cannot conceive that such a confession would be welcomed by anyone.  It would not help either party to do so, merely cause destruction, disgust and ultimately dismissal.

A direct refusal would be better than this, as that way only I would be rejected. 

Cruelty being used for ultimate kindness does not work in these situations.  Decency does.  Please remember this.