Glass houses

Some of you will be aware of the recent sad death of an 11 year old autistic boy in Barking.  His death was caused by the ingestion of a caustic liquid, believed to be bleach. He is said to have had visible injuries.

His mother, who has been arrested on suspicion of his murder, was believed to have drunk the same liquid, but was released from hospital without treatment.

There was a younger sibling to the deceased, who was said to have neither ingested the liquid nor to have had any visible injuries.

It is a terribly sad story.

What I write here is clearly neither a political nor a legal blog.  If it were, I doubt that those of you who read it would, as there are a great many excellently assembled blogs that fill that need.  It is, in essence, merely a very subjective opinion page, nothing more and nothing less, and thus what follows should be regarded as that; an opinion.

At present, we do not know the facts to the case, other than a young man who was severely disabled by autism died from ingesting bleach.  There is no evidence, only suspicion, that his mother gave him the bleach.  I would be surprised if his mother could have "made" him drink the liquid if he were in a mind not to.  Certainly my five year old autistic son has knocked me to my feet when I have attempted to give him the less posionous but equally foul tasting fish oil that he takes each day to help homepathically calm his behavioural problems.

The injuries that he sustained may well have been caused by his mother, but they may well also have been caused by what would be his own incredible strength as he threw himself about.  My own children, both of whom have varyring degress of behavioural issues, are incredibly violent at times, and can lash out so hard that they injure themselves.  I have no way of proving that I don't hurt them other than my word, and were the injuries they sustained to be examined properly, it would be found that some of them are self inflicted through their self harm bouts.

For me, the most shocking aspect of this case is that it is not the first time that such a sad situation has occured. 

What I shan't entertain, not even for a moment, is some sad, snidey opine that such a desperate situation only arises when the parent of the child is doing it alone.  Trust me, single parents are tougher than paired ones, because we have to be.

What I find unfathomable is that we, as a society, have failed another parent and their child.  We are not talking about women who have committed what can only be described as evil, a pre meditated, tortuitous death played out upon their young for their own sick amusement.  Rather we are looking at women living in a desperate situation, where little or no help or support is available, and that help often only springs up when the situation is hellishly near a tragic conclusion.  Even then, as these cases show, it is not always timely.

Don't think, not even for a moment, that those of us with disabled children wish that we didn't have them.  We don't.  On the whole, on a good day, on an average day, we are happy and joyous with our lot.

Consider then a day when your depression has hit you hard.  Consider a day when you have been pummeled constantly; your child has done nothing but hum loudly all day; they have shaken a rattle all day; they have picked at their until they hands are a scabby mess of blood; they have hit their head on a wooden floor until they are bruised and dazed despite your trying to stop them, and all you want is for a moment of normality, a short time when you can be you and your child be "normal".

Consider a society where getting help for your child is ridiculously difficult, where they will be allowed to drown at mainstream school, where getting a statement is ludicrously troublesome, where accessing specialist services takes time, sometimes money, where getting a speech and language therapist appointment is one of the hardest things you can do, where you have to beg for help with your child's violence, where the finger is always pointing at you, where you are ultimately responsible and the baby that you had, the baby you still see when you look at your child, has nothing like the life you had hoped for them, or that you had hoped for you.

Whilst I can't condone the act, I can't and won't condemn the women who did it, because the desperation that they feel is at such a level that you should all wish you never experience it.  

I have no more to say on it, but I would ask that you don't judge the woman accused, as she is as much a victim as her son, and remember the proverb you were told as youngsters about those in glass houses not throwing stones.