Bumface

The Boy is being bullied. Not the casual, "you're weird", "why does he do that" bullying that, to my shame, we are used to (though we still rail against it, it is difficult to amend the opinions of the parents the children get their comments from, nor can we give them information that they don't want to know), but a more serious, less insidious type that is slowly but surely destroying his love of school.

It was always clear that, due to his lack of statement (Hertfordshire is notoriously difficult when it comes to funding for special needs children), we would have an uphill struggle helping him integrate into mainstream school. His desire was to attend mainstream school, to go with his friends, and although I was not fully behind the actual school he chose, we agreed that we would try the school.

It was made more troublesome by our eviction from our previous address (the one hour notice debacle, see previous blog), as our arrival back in Herts came as the intake for schools had been closed. We had very little choice but to go with his decision.

It was ensured that The Boy had additional settling in periods at the school. This didn't really work as planned, due to the Autism Advisory Services' inability to turn up to said scheduled appointments to help settle him, and explain what was going on.

However, the Reception teacher was extremely accommodating, and worked with us both directly to help his transition, which helped an inordinate amount. He and I spent a lot of time talking about 'Big School', the sort of behaviour that was expected there, and what was expected of him.

He has always been very aware that he is different, he knows he is autistic, and it is something that sadly troubles him a great deal. Despite my assurances, he is unconvinced that being autistic is a positive thing, and was only slightly persuaded otherwise when he decreed that Doctor Who is autistic.

What we have is a very aware, very clever 5 year old, who knows he is different but wants to make friends with people who may as well be speaking Japanese as far as his understanding of their social signals and cues is concerned. So he tries to join in and gets persistently battered down by all but the most understanding of his peers.

The irritating fact remains that any amount of 'work' that went in to explain to The Boy what was going on is worthless when his condition and behaviour hasn't been explained to the children in his class. Regardless of the fact that I purchased books for his Nursery to explain to the children his condition (they refused to use them, bar the teaching assistant who took them to show children 'on the sly'). We even sat down together to write a 'book' about his behaviour, which we copied for every child in his class, but we weren't allowed to give them out. We circulated the same things in his after school club, who were more interested.

Since his transition to 'Big School', the gap between he and his peers has become more noticeable, mostly in his behaviour which can turn violent on occasion, usually through frustration. His inability to deal with unstructured time make lunch times and play times a nightmare for him, regardless of my suggestions and bombarding them with information as to how to handle the situation.

Now, this casual estrangement has escalated to the point that some vile little bastard, two years older than him, called my son a retard at playtime. A boy so stupid that he called my son 'smartypants' because The Boy forgets to hoist up his trousers, so his pants are on display from time to time. He and his friends, bigger than my son, jostled him and taunted and teased him. And it wasn't noticed (though, as a bitter aside, the MSA's soon notice if The Boy acts like the other children by jostling or playing roughly. He will then invariably get reported whilst the other children do not. And yes, I have stood at the gates watching and gone in to complain accordingly.)

No amount of explaining that smartypants is actually a positive thing to be has assured him. No amount of complaints to the school are working. The process of parent applied statement is started. So what should I do?

At the moment, my confident, bubbly, bonkers wee man is a blundering wreck. He is tearful for no reason. He refuses to sleep alone (he says that he "needs a grown up there to look after" him). He complains bitterly when it is time to go to school. It is slowly destroying me to the point that, yes, whilst I do sympathise that there must be some stuff going on for this boy to bully my son I DON'T CARE. I despise the little shit for what he is doing to my son, and I can't fathom how he is allowed to continue to be in the school, causing my son misery.

The best part of this is, as a manner of defence, I told The Boy that, next time he was called any of those words, he should respond by saying that his name wasn't what they called him, but The Boy, whereas their names were Bumface as they have faces like bums.

Can you guess which parent was called in? Certainly not the bullies'. The Bumfaces.