Questions

I am finding that I am increasingly being asked questions for which I do not always know the answers. To save time, I have compiled a list below, with the suitable answer beneath it.

Why did your mother move in with you?
I don't know
It seemed like the solution to the increasing level of arguments that she was having with, er, everyone. As I have not lived with her since I was 11, the situation is proving "challenging".
On the plus side, I have got to bollock her about the state of her room, tell her that if she doesn't like what is for dinner she can just bloody well go without, and scold her for taunting The Lid ("she's 3. You're 63. Bloody grow up.")

Why did you split up with The Ex?
I don't know. Next.
Well actually I do, but there's no time for it here, but it does involve his not giving me head and his inability to man it up when needed.

Why aren't you using your qualifications?
I don't know.
Because I've got children, dumbarse, and I would rather spend time wiping their arses rather than running around wiping solicitors' arses.

What ARE you doing?
I don't know. Next.

What. The Fuck. Is That?
It's my face. Fuck off.

What about...?
Is that the time? I must dash...